I opened a lovely 23 year old Latvian girl in the park. She had an artsy vibe and excellent English. We met up a couple of hours later the same day. I took her out for ice cream in the park. She only had one relationship that ended five months ago. No other experience with guys. Nevertheless the eye contact was strong. The date ended with a walk to the old town where we agreed to meet each other the next day to play pool.
The next day, because the weather was so good, I offered her to get a drink instead. She happily agreed. Right before the date, I met up with my Latvian redhead who never committed to a date, but showed up randomly to meet me and kiss me in the street. This was one of those times. She promptly appeared on a bicycle telling me to get a smoke outside as she cycled to me by the corner of the park. Although she looked like a complete ratbag1, she was actually really sweet and sensual. As usual, we stared making out heavily on the street. She wore thick led lipstick that made me look like I just French-kissed a clown.
This happened about 15 minutes before my date with the 23 Latvian. I tried to wipe the lipstick the best I could as I was speeding toward my date in the old town, hoping she wouldn’t notice. She didn’t. The date was lovely. We had a cocktail in a narrow side street from the main square. The conversation was flirty and the eye contact strong. Soon after, we went for a walk to the riverside where we sat on some steps and smoked. I gave it two kiss-attempts which she politely rebuffed. We agreed to meet each other to watch the Riga - United Kingdom hockey game the next day at 5 pm.
The next day, we met in front of NewYorker in the old town again to watch the game. I had scouted a nice spot to watch the game outside on the old town square. The weather was lovely and our vibes were good. To my relief, the Latvian’s were winning the game 6-0 which lifted both our spirits. Near the end, she suggested we go for a walk, so I bounced her to my favorite English bar across the cherry wine bar where I stayed. The atmosphere turned more sexual as we sat thigh to thigh and played the Questions Game. She asked a couple of questions about my sex life such as my lay count (which I refused the answer, increasing my air of mystique). She rebuffed another two kiss-attempts, but admitted she was increasingly excited-concerned about what she might do… Eventually she would cave. She went to the toilet while leaving her tea2 half-finished. She finished tea as I paid for the drinks. This becomes an important detail later on.
I felt it was time to extract, so I settled the bill and took her out for a walk. We walked into the narrow street where we had our cocktail the day before. “Do you see the table where we sat at over there?” I said. “That’s where I’m going to kiss you.” She would have none of that, and disengaged as we walked past it. I determined that this girl wouldn’t kiss in public as she stated that she was anxious about bumping into someone she know. So I took a leap of faith and bounced her to my place. She was nervous about it so I overtly stated that we would just listen to music and talk, and that she was free to leave at any time. This calmed her down enough to follow me up the stairs as I opened the door to my flat.
I sat her down on my table near the window as we both smoked. As I was brewing her a cup of tea I made a critical mistake. This girl was very inexperienced in dating, and I genuinely wanted to give her some sage advice to protect her in the future. It wasn’t even a play to build comfort - I just cared for this girl. I told her “just a small tip for the future: it’s not a good idea to leave your drink unattended when you’re on a date.” Although well-intended, this advice backfired completely. She became concerned that I might have spiked her drink and said she was now really uncomfortable. I tried rationalizing her emotional brain by stating that I wouldn’t have mentioned it if I had bad intentions. But that ship has sailed. “You should have said that at the end of our date”, she retorted3. She said I have ruined the vibe of the date. I tried to engage her calmly and logically and tried to change the subject several times, but she had enough. “I want to leave”, she said. And that was it. We put on our shoes and went back on the street.
It was still bright and sunny so I walked her over to the Riga Dom church to sit on the stone benches. She kept projecting all horrible things men do to women onto me. Things her father may (or may not) have done to her mother. When I said that while I understand her reaction, I don’t appreciate being blamed for all the shit other men do. She briefly acknowledged my point and said I’m not like that, but then continued blaming me for the ruined date. Fair enough.
I tried changing the topic and carefully escalate again by touching her hands, but she wouldn’t let me. “No, this is now over she said”. I asked her “are you sure we won’t recover from this?”. She said no. I suspect she expected me to keep trying to fix things, or at the very least keep feeding her care and attention. She was therefore slightly taken aback when I said “alright, it was nice meeting you”, kissed her on the cheek and recovered my leather jacket that I lent her for the evening cold.
We parted ways, unlikely to ever see each other again. About half an hour later I texted her:
Shame, I liked you. I still think I did everything right. Wish you all the best, and I mean that
I was wrong, though. Bringing up the topic, although well-intended, was not the right action. It triggered an emotional response that completely clouded her judgement. I get it. I learned a painful lesson that some subjects are simply taboo on a date. Ignorance is bliss and rationality bears no meaning.
I somewhat delight in the painful irony of her suspecting me of the very thing I tried to protect her from.